The Wheat Field

Contemplating of writing this post for quite a long time actually. Well I don’t think I was a talkative person. Growing up in an International School during my primary school days where everybody spoke the same language was a good experience I guess but after that and continuing until this day I don’t really think was learnt how to communicate. When I went to secondary school (aka high school in some places) there was 1 side of the class that would talk among themselves in Malay and some that would talk among themselves in Chinese. Being a ‘banana’ (yellow on the outside and white on the inside, i.e. being Chinese but speaks only English) that I am as well as struggling with the Malay language I had to deal with few people conversing in English as it was probably their 2nd language. So in the process of communication where one would learn from how others communicate, I was severely handicapped. So through secondary school all the way until before I started University I lived a life where I could not effective learn how to communicate with others. I guess all this comes out when sometimes you meet people that you want to communicate with but somehow you just can’t seem to find the words to say or how to relate. Matters become worse when the other party’s interests and mine seem to have very little / nothing in common. It’s one of those times when you’re in the crowd and yet you feel so much more alone. But then again I would always like to think of myself as being the observer. Looking at how things are turning out around and not wanting to be bothered. Kind of not wanting to be noticed or possibly being afraid of being noticed and not knowing how to react, what to do or what to say even. Guess it’s just something to deal with and something to learn.

P.S. Let me congratulate my brother on his recent ‘appearance’ in the local papers. Congrats bro!

P.P.S. I know that practically most of the people who I know are smart in their own way. I guess I’m jealous because I know I’m not the kind of smart that they are but I will admit I’m hardworking. I guess it’s all about being recognized. Everybody wants to be known by others. Part of me wants to be while the other part shys away from any social activity. Leave me be with my computer and I’ll be a happy camper. Now back to learning Palm Programming….

THAT was annoying. A few days ago I tried out Kubuntu Edgy the new version of the OS and it was pretty nice until I tried to watch some podcast/netcasts/whatever-you-want-to-call-it I downloaded. It was throwing up an error. So I thought it was due to the new OS version and since I couldn’t find any posts related to it I decided to downgrade the OS. To cut the story short the downgrade didn’t work and so I just backed up and reinstalled the OS. After that I tried to play the files again and I still couldn’t, so I thought I didn’t download the proper codecs so configured them all up and it still didn’t work. So I tried to download the file again and it worked! GAAAAAHHHHHH Downloader for X which I used for d4x screwed me up =’( So now its just ‘wasting’ life away reconfiguring my system.

And now on about life and such. I’m very sure I don’t like change because I still haven’t adjusted back to Brunei life and surprisingly to me no matter how slow life is I still find myself short of time to do the stuff I want =( I guess it’s just a learning process of how to live life when the time I have is not in my hands…

On a brigther note I had a car treasure hunt last Sunday. It was fun but tiring driving around looking for clues and treasures =p At the end of the day was tired and sleepy the ‘perfect’ combination to get me all cranky which I still kind of am. Need more sleep… Need more rest…