Of life

So I just rejected an offer from Lucent and decided to keep up with this freelance kind of thing I have going on in my life. You know the saying “you don’t know what you got till it’s gone”; well it seems that I’ve been bitten twice by that saying. And both is in regards to the job offers I’ve had. I guess the thing I value the most right now is my time and being able to do what I want with it. Got another offer from Edaran and the terms are kind of better than Lucent but most importantly it’s giving me my freedom of time. I don’t know been kind of thinking through my future thoughts of ‘working life’, or more appropriately employment life, and I’ve been drifting here and there thinking of too many things and just getting overwhelmed by the possibilities and the hopes and dreams you could say. Frankly in this job search of mine I don’t think I’ve had much support. Sometimes it always comes down to the business bottom line of the money. Sure money doesn’t make the world go round contrary to what some may think, but yes it pays the bills it lets you live. Sometimes I just want to take a measly paying job just to learn and love it and sometimes I just want a job to pay the bills so that I can just come back home and enjoy life.

Went down to Miri last Tuesday to get my laptop fixed. Hooray for 3 years international warranty. Though it left me not going down to Singapore was a bummer but I guess opportunity costs was just too much. So I’m just waiting for their email to tell me when it’s ready for collection then comes another 6 hour driving day for me. Perhaps this time I’ll be able to get some shopping that I want to do in Miri…

Funny thing while trying to spell check “contrary” via Googling it, I stumbled upon God is Love as a sponsered link from answers.com. Funny way that God works. Also what caught my eye was the word “loves” not “loved” as He still does. Even as I set out not to have the “God” category checked in this post here He comes and changes that. Life is hard. Struggles abound. What do you do? What I have done is trying to deal with it, and sometimes it just comes back full circle when you rely on your on strength. I need strength. I need strength that I don’t have. Now I just got a song in my heart and I can’t seem to get the lyrics right. It goes something like

Give me His eyes, Jesus eyes,
Give me His hand, oh Jesus hands,
…..
…..

Give me His words, Jesus words,
Give me His heart, o Jesus heart,
…..
…..

With the …. representing the lines I don’t remember and I’m sure the lyrics might be slightly wrong but I’m sure thats the song of the day. I planned to post a short post of updates, He planned something else. Now I guess the biggest question I have for myself is:
“When will I stop relying on myself, when I know I’ll fail me sooner or later”

Take care everybody and God bless

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