Of life

So I just rejected an offer from Lucent and decided to keep up with this freelance kind of thing I have going on in my life. You know the saying “you don’t know what you got till it’s gone”; well it seems that I’ve been bitten twice by that saying. And both is in regards to the job offers I’ve had. I guess the thing I value the most right now is my time and being able to do what I want with it. Got another offer from Edaran and the terms are kind of better than Lucent but most importantly it’s giving me my freedom of time. I don’t know been kind of thinking through my future thoughts of ‘working life’, or more appropriately employment life, and I’ve been drifting here and there thinking of too many things and just getting overwhelmed by the possibilities and the hopes and dreams you could say. Frankly in this job search of mine I don’t think I’ve had much support. Sometimes it always comes down to the business bottom line of the money. Sure money doesn’t make the world go round contrary to what some may think, but yes it pays the bills it lets you live. Sometimes I just want to take a measly paying job just to learn and love it and sometimes I just want a job to pay the bills so that I can just come back home and enjoy life.

Went down to Miri last Tuesday to get my laptop fixed. Hooray for 3 years international warranty. Though it left me not going down to Singapore was a bummer but I guess opportunity costs was just too much. So I’m just waiting for their email to tell me when it’s ready for collection then comes another 6 hour driving day for me. Perhaps this time I’ll be able to get some shopping that I want to do in Miri…

Funny thing while trying to spell check “contrary” via Googling it, I stumbled upon God is Love as a sponsered link from answers.com. Funny way that God works. Also what caught my eye was the word “loves” not “loved” as He still does. Even as I set out not to have the “God” category checked in this post here He comes and changes that. Life is hard. Struggles abound. What do you do? What I have done is trying to deal with it, and sometimes it just comes back full circle when you rely on your on strength. I need strength. I need strength that I don’t have. Now I just got a song in my heart and I can’t seem to get the lyrics right. It goes something like

Give me His eyes, Jesus eyes,
Give me His hand, oh Jesus hands,
…..
…..

Give me His words, Jesus words,
Give me His heart, o Jesus heart,
…..
…..

With the …. representing the lines I don’t remember and I’m sure the lyrics might be slightly wrong but I’m sure thats the song of the day. I planned to post a short post of updates, He planned something else. Now I guess the biggest question I have for myself is:
“When will I stop relying on myself, when I know I’ll fail me sooner or later”

Take care everybody and God bless

Hibernation…

is what has become of this site. Been busy with new opportunities and things on going and going on in life. A pretty belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all. Handed in my mission trip report last week and 3 things I took back from it: all you can depend on is God, be born ready and “What can I do?”. There are times when there seems to be nobody around when you need help.

1. There are times in life when there seems to be nobody around when you need help. I’m not talking just about physical sense but just to be there. There are times when you are all alone in every sense of the word and there are decisions to be made. Sometimes that will affect not only yourself but those around you and people in general. What do you do when times like these come? I got some sense of this before and during the trip itself. And some times you are in situations you would rather not be in. You lack the abilities / preperation / experience that would be needed to get the job done well. Not everything can be done on human strength and ability alone.

2.  Being ready or in a state of readiness as I believe P. Andy shared in one of the messages. I lack experience in many aspects of my life as I chose to turn my back on God in my teens years, as I chose to stay in my comfort zone, as I chose to limit my school life to doing things that help me get the grades I wanted but not develop my skills to what I wanted. It’s never too late to start something, so here I am at the ripe old age of 24 learning new things everyday which I should have learnt during my school days.

3. What can I do. I’ve seen the youth in my church. They have so much opportunities ahead of them: they have promise.  Many of them can do things I can’t even imagine myself doing. I desire to see them grow and develop into the person God wants them to be but the biggest catch is here and lies in one word: “how”. How can I help? What can I do? Pray to God to show me what I can do while at the same time actively look out for the opportunities and avenues.

So that was mission trip learning experience. Then came Christmas with the handmime presentation: not only performing but also prep work with the UV lights required. It is no joke bringing 3 UV lights in your car when each UV fluorescent tube costs BND$35. Just yesterday had to perform again for the Malaysian Christmas Celebration.

Not to mention I’ve been busy with some part-time/freelance work that I got. Basically it is system setup and a technical support. So I’ve been driving around setting up the systems with the required software and tomorrow there will be a training conducted by my brother. Doing some other web development for another project I’m working on that will hopefully launch next week. Currently I’m procrastinating by finally updating this blog and after that I’m in for a full day of work.

Got an interview with Lucent, or should I say Alcatel-Lucent, tomorrow afternoon after the training. The job seems good and provides a good learning experience for myself so God if this job is for me, open the doors just as You have opened the doors for the work I’ve been doing.

It’s a new year and it starts off with a long post. Too long for my taste. So next time update more. Shorter posts especially for those with short attention spans like myself. =P

God bless for the coming year and many more to come

Leaving for Sarawak

The journey starts in a few hours and will be staying Miri overnight before catching a flight on Monday morning to Kuching Sarawak. Supposed to be involved in 2 youth camps. Frankly I don’t feel ready. It has been a lot of a week to handle. More than I could handle. Yet again I am reminded of how weak I am without Jesus as my firm foundation. I’ve disappointed Him as I have done many times before. Yet another lessoned learnt, yet another step to be taken, yet another journey to travel.

Matthew 11:28-30
28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Lord as I cast my burdens down at the foot of the cross You died for all the people of the earth, I pray for strength and guidance for the week ahead. I thank you Lord that you grace is sufficent for me and that when I am weak you are strong.

Loneliness is what I need more of: to get away and get back in touch with God….

Time… is what I don’t have the luxury of

Day by day I have things I want to do.
Day by day there are things that confront me be to done.
I don’t have nearly as much time for myself as I think I need. I believe this is just a test for me. I remember sharing one time in cell back in Singapore that time was one thing I treasure, well at least time that’s within my grasp that I can ‘control’ so to put it, i.e. being in control of my time. And these days with more pressing things to do I find less and less time for myself. Less and less time for me to do my own thing, to just wind down and relax. What do I do when I’m not in control of my time? Certainly not what I should be doing…
Lord God take control of my time and my life. As I was reminded this weekend that everything that I do is for You. All my time is not my time but Your time. Lord give me the strength especially then things are difficult when I don’t see much encouragement. Encourage me Lord to serve Your purpose for me.

Make me what You want me to be
Teach me Your ways

I lay down my life for You.
Throw down my crowns before You.
Give up my all for Your Name.
My Saviour, how I adore You.
Healer, my heart longs for You.
Jesus, You’re worthy to be praised.

It’s been a long time I guess huh?

Guess I’ve been busy with things like trying to extend my stay in Singapore and having to spend like 10 hours in total doing something in regards to ICA. If anybody wants to renew / apply for a social visit pass go in the morning, trust me it’s worth it. Despite the queue almost wrapping 3/4 around the building it was a quick visit compared to the other visits I had there. Was in and out in just over an hour instead of the usual wait of 2 / 3 hours waiting in the hall.

Been busy attending convocations as well: 4 in total including mine =p. Also been doing some part time work for the past 2 weeks which is pretty interesting and it has flexible hours and I didn’t have to go down to the office in Jurong East for the past 2 weeks. However I have been to the office today as I am typing this as McDonald’s in IMM (how I love free wireless hotspots =P) and I’ll be back there tomorrow due to some hardware testing.

Went to watch 2 fireworks displays, well.. more like 1 and the other 1 I was there for like 2 minutes but I didnt look at the display as I was trying to get through the crowd to chop (reserve) seats at Max Brenner’s Chocolate Bar at the Esplanade. The day before (Friday) we resorted to going to Haagen Dazs for supper while on that Saturday had chocolate for dinner =p Well I guess I should enjoy this while I’m still here which is like 5 more full days.

Anyway I’ll being going back home this Sunday at 0905, should be picking up the ticket tomorrow at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Yes its hard to go but alas there’s a bigger calling to go back home. So for those of you who don’t know the story or the full story here it is…. It all started back before I came to Singapore for my university education. I always thought of studying and working here. So if anybody came to ask me what were my plans after studying I would say I would stay in Singapore. Well that all changed about a year ago. One fine day the thought of going back home after graduation crept into my mind. Sounds a bit strange to get thoughts like that especially since it was a drastic contrast of what I always wanted to do. But I just felt a need to go back and after some processing I feel that God is just telling me to go back for now. I think if I were to stay here I would get too caught up in work and things. That basically happened to me in my final year, in my work that I’m doing. Also I believe that my plans for myself are incomparable with God’s plan for me, whatever that may be. All I know is that I have to go back. Won’t know how long. I could be back in Singapore to work in the future but who knows but God. I shall place my life in His hands as He becomes the light upon my feet guiding me through what lays ahead. Also there seems to be some open doors that I wish to go through that have been opened in the past year of actually letting go of the idea of working in Singapore. Time to leave is soon. Enjoy the time here in Singapore. Enjoy the time with the friends that I’ve made here. Friendships that mean so much. Memories that hopefully never get forgotten. God bless people.

2 Timothy 3:7

Resumed my 1 year schedule to finish the bible today after quite a long break. I admit at times I was too lazy to pick it up again due to the extra length of time it takes to read and digest much more material compared to my QT materials. Anyway hit the verse as follows
2 Timothy 3:7 “always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth”.
This verse means quite a lot to me because it seems to be talking about my life in my first 2 years of university. I always wanted to learn something. Something that I could use in life or at least put to good use. There are times in my life where I’ve been running the rat race of obtaining knowledge and learning, but never seeking and finding the truth. I think it doesn’t help being in Singapore with the fast pace of life here that seems to be pushing you here or there. Just need to take a step back and take a breather. I’m not saying it’s wrong to pursue knowledge but as always there is a time and place for everything. God gave each of us talents and we need to nuture and use those talents but we should not let them become something that distracts us and takes our focus away from Jesus. Lesson 1 of the ooo-some YDM L.I.F.E. youth camp about eyes and how to affix them on Jesus. Let not the distractions take a hold of your life and focus on what needs to be done. Focus on the giver not the gifts, i.e. focus on God.
Have a blessed weekend people =)

1 man, 3 OS’s. 1 man, 10 scoops. 1 man, 1 God. 1 way, Jesus

The story of my life today haha
Started off roughly 24 hours ago when I decided to install Debian along side my Kubuntu Linux distro (i.e. distribution). The aim was that Kubuntu provided a lot of features I want (e.g. laptop battery monitor, bluetooth manager and others) that is not available in my Debian install as I do a minimal Debian install from the netinst ISO. First thing I had to do was to resize my reiserFS partition that Kubuntu was set up on. Had to non destructively repartition it. Found Gnome Partition Editor but I wasn’t sure if it did a non destructive repartition, but I took a chance. Backed up a few configurations of my Kubuntu setup and away I went. I have an annoyance with the partition editor (both Gnome Partition Editor and the 1 that was used in the Kubuntu setup) is that it takes a super long time for it to display the partition table that you have to edit and modify. Speaking of the Kubuntu setup, I dislike the way they do it now.

<rant>
It seems to me that you have to boot into Kubuntu (or Ubuntu) from the CD first before installing the OS. Sounds like a nice idea especially for those people who can’t handle the text based approach, especially the text graphics and need a ‘proper’ GUI. The problem is, it’s a nice idea so long as the computer you use can display the GUI. The Kubuntu version could not display on my laptop with an Ati X700 onboard. Luckily I know how to get the updated driver for the laptop in order to proceed with the proper installation, but I feel it should at least an option to install direct from the CD through a plain DOS-like console which is completely text based. Perhaps there is a way to do it but I couldn’t find it.
</rant>
Anyway back to the reason why I installed Debian along side Kubuntu was that I wanted to build the proper distrubition I want from scratch will minimal help (and automation) so as to learn something and know what I need for my laptop to give me a minimal system install without useless programs and stuff. So a mistake I did was to install the whole KDE desktop environment instead of base install. Also another reason was that in Kubuntu Opera had a weird situation with the Java plugin: it would open the applet in another separate window instead of embedding it into the page, something I’ve never experienced before. An Opera forum thread regarding this is here. Just installed the same version of Opera and Java in my Debian system and it works flawlessly: no separate window. Strange…
So anyway that leaves 3 OS’s on my laptop right now. Well more like 2 OS’s: but 1 OS has 2 different distro. Ahhh doesn’t matter anyway :P There are 6 entries in my boot menu: both Linux distros have a normal and safe mode, a memory test entry and Windows. Thinking I’m easing into the Linux world but there are a few things that are lacking. Couldn’t get NUSCAST to work in Kubuntu, but then again I didn’t try too much to get it work. So I will try to use Debian to see if the same process yeilds different results like my Opera/Java experience. No Shockwave player for Linux so had to resort to wine to emulate Windows and play Shockwave. But thing’s in general are pretty good. Think the day to convert will be soon, in the coming months I believe :D

Went to Swensen’s today at Holland Village. The only place with the $5 student promotion to eat unlimited ice cream. hehehe. Have to savour what I won’t get back home. 10 scoops: sticky chewy chocolate, mocha almond chip, frosted chocolate malt, chocolate, chocolate peanutbutter, cookies & cream, coffee, yam, bubblegum (this was bad: looks like paddlepop rainbow but doesn’t taste anything like it), sticky chewy chocolate. That was my brunch? haha Got up at 1230-ish woken up by my dear calling me :P

Gah… Opera just crashed on my by opening up a page =| Gah… Just *poof* losing a bit of what I typed… :( So I will try to recall what I typed…

Tomorrow is back to the church office to help out with camp stuff.. Ahhh the memories of church office.. good memories :) This week has been dedicated to God for me to draw closer to Him and indeed He is making a difference. Got my first ‘official’ devotional book and so far this week has indeed been an experience. Well kind of started the ‘week’ early. Saturday had a good time with God after service, Sunday was kind of rushed, my bad sorry God. Monday was worse but good. Woke up at around 0530 Monday morning to see my dear off to airport and with just about 2 hours of sleep. Then after that went out with John, Jo, Dom, Mer and Kim. Ended up looking at a guitar shop opposite Peninsular plaza as good ‘ole Dominic wanted to look at guitars. I tell you he’s a rising star in our cell group and we all can’t wait till he starts leading worship haha ;-) All the best in learning man, I’m sure God is proud of you. Then after that spent a bit of the afternoon just chatting with Dom right beside Mer and Jo who were discussing details about church varisty camp. When that was over Dom went looking for shoes/sandals or basically footwear :P He settled for a dark brown and light pink pair after much consultation from Mer and Jo hehe. When they all left I left for Orchard as I was catching ‘Cars‘ which was enjoyable. Saw a title something like ‘production babies’ in the credits followed by single word names, which makes me think that those are the names of the computers they used. So basically that whole day I was tired and sleepy but the Lord strengthened me and enabled me to still read his word while I was in Orchard. Tried to do it at the Library in Ngee Ann City but was almost falling asleep so went downstairs to get a brownie and ended up reading in the car park! hahaha But I thank God that He guided me to the car park for me to read hehe. Today was a busy day but came back and was refreshed by Him yet again. Anyway been a good day and hope to have many more.

Good night people. Good night God.


"One way, Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for"